100 Vampire Puns

Vampires have been a staple of folklore and popular culture for centuries.

These supernatural creatures of the night have fascinated and terrified us in equal measure.

But did you know that vampires can also be quite pun-derful? Yes, you read that right! Vampire puns are a delightful way to sink your teeth into some light-hearted humor.

In this article, we’ll explore the world of vampire puns, from fang-tastic wordplay to batty jokes that will leave you howling with laughter.

1. I want to suck your puns!
2. Count Dracu-pun-la.
3. Battle of the umpire jokes.
4. I’m coffin up these puns.
5. What do you call a vampire with a sense of humor? A jok-ula.
6. Why did the vampire get a job at the morgue? He heard it was a grave opportunity.
7. This is my vain attempt at humor.
8. What did the vampire say to the bartender? “Make it a Bloody Mary, please.”
9. Vampires are great at math because they’re natural counters.
10. Why did the vampire always carry a pencil? In case he needed to draw blood.
11. A vampire’s favorite fruit is a blood orange.
12. How do vampires like their steaks cooked? Rare.
13. When vampires go on vacation, do they visit the “dead” sea?
14. Why did the vampire become a banker? He was good at making “blood” investments.
15. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit punch? Bloody Mary!
16. Why did the vampire take up gardening? He wanted to grow some ‘bat’-plants.
17. Did you hear about the vampire who opened a restaurant? The reviews say the food was to die for.
18. What do you call a vampire with a sunburn? A vampire toast.
19. How do you organize a space party for vampires? You “planet” in advance.
20. Why did the vampire enroll in an art class? He wanted to learn how to draw blood.
21. What do you call a vampire who’s been on a diet? A blood-light.
22. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She just wasn’t his “blood” type.
23. Did you hear about the vampire novelist? He always writes with a lot of bite.
24. What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel.
25. When a vampire loses a game, is it a pain in the neck?
26. How do vampires like to keep their pants up? With a blood belt.
27. Why did the vampire become a chef? He wanted to make “ghoul”-ash.
28. What do you call a vampire’s clothing line? Bat-ten wear.
29. What do you call a vampire that’s always on time? Punctual-ah.
30. Why was the vampire always calm? Because nothing could get under his skin.
31. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
32. How does a vampire flirt? He uses battery-operated candles.
33. Why did the vampire get a job as a librarian? Because he loves a good “shhhhhhh”!
34. What do you call a vampire who loves classical music? A “Bach”-pire.
35. Why did the vampire get a job at the bakery? He wanted to make sure there was plenty of “red velvet” cake.
36. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit-flavored candy? A “bite”-sized snack.
37. Did you hear about the vampire who became a teacher? He gave lessons in “blood-sucking” economics.
38. How does a vampire clean his house? With a “sucker” brush.
39. What do you call a vampire’s favorite dance? The “fang”-dango.
40. Why do vampires always seem so calm? Because they have a lot of “inner ghouls.”
41. What do you call a vampire who’s a good singer? A “vam-pire-o” singer.
42. Why did the vampire start a band? Because he wanted to “rock the casket”!
43. What do you call a vampire who’s a comedian? A “stand-up” guy.
44. Why did the vampire turn on the lights? Because he wanted to “day-light” robbery.
45. How do vampires make phone calls? They use their “cellular” phones.
46. What do you call a vampire’s pet dog? A bloodhound.
47. Why was the vampire always invited to parties? Because he was a “fang”-tastic dancer.
48. How do vampires stay up all night? They have great “attitude.”
49. What do you call a vampire’s office? A “crypt”erium.
50. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin a lot.
51. What do you call a vampire with hay fever? Count Pollen.
52. How do vampires start a letter? “Tomb it may concern…”
53. Why did the vampire get a job in IT? He heard there were lots of bytes.
54. How do vampires keep their breath fresh? With “blood” mints.
55. Did you hear about the vampire who won the lottery? He was absolutely bat-rich!
56. Why do vampires make great baseball players? They have great “bat” ting skills.
57. What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.
58. How do you address a group of vampires? “Ladies and gentle vamps.”
59. What do you call a vampire with a sunburn? A “vampirette.”
60. Why did the vampire start a YouTube channel? He wanted to get some “fang” fantastic views.
61. How do you invite a vampire to a party? “Join us, it’ll be a bloody good time!”
62. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Blood-pumping beats.
63. Why did the vampire get a job at the brewery? He loved the idea of “red” ale.
64. What’s a vampire’s favorite book? “War and “Piece.”
65. Why did the vampire take a hot bath? Because he wanted to relax in “blood” temperature.
66. Did you hear about the vampire who got locked out of his crypt? He had to use a “dead” bolt.
67. How do you greet a vampire on Halloween? “Fangs for coming!”
68. Why was the vampire always calm? Because he had “un-dead” emotions.
69. What’s a vampire’s favorite part of a joke? The “punch” line.
70. What do you call a vampire who’s a fashion model? A “vamp-satire.”
71. Why did the vampire open a barbershop? He wanted to give his clients a “batty” haircut.
72. What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
73. Why do vampires make terrible fishermen? Because they’re afraid of garlic bait.
74. How do you throw a vampire party? “Stake” it out and invite the “cool” ghouls.
75. What’s a vampire’s favorite sport? Badminton.
76. Why did the vampire always carry a notebook? He liked to keep track of his “suck-sess.”
77. Why do vampires always seem so confident? They have a lot of “self-care.”
78. How do you make a vampire laugh? Tell him a “fang-tastic” joke.
79. What’s a vampire’s favorite social media platform? Vamplifier.
80. What do you call a vampire who’s a computer expert? A “byte” er.
81. Why was the vampire a terrible musician? Because he could never find his “bat”-on.
82. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance style? The “ballet.”
83. How do you organize a vampire’s library? You “bat-catalog” it.
84. Why did the vampire get a job as a plumber? He was great at “faucet-ing” his victims.
85. What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? A “fang” is a tasty treat.
86. Why did the vampire go to therapy? He needed to work on his “inner fangs.”
87. What’s a vampire’s favorite card game? “Suck-er.”
88. How do vampires send mail? With “bat”-series and “stamps.”
89. What’s a vampire’s favorite subject in school? “Bite”-erature.
90. Why did the vampire bring a ladder to the party? He heard the drinks were on the “bat” shelf.
91. How do you apologize to a vampire? Say you’re “sorry” for the “stake” of the matter.
92. What’s a vampire’s favorite instrument? The “organ.”
93. Why did the vampire refuse to play hide and seek? Because he always found himself too easily.
94. What do you call a vampire who’s a detective? A “gumshoe-supernatural.”
95. How do you keep a vampire in suspense? You “dangle” garlic in front of him.
96. Why did the vampire become a gardener? He wanted to grow some “budding” relationships.
97. What do you call a vampire’s favorite board game? “Bat”-the ship.
98. How do you make a vampire stop biting his nails? Give him “ghoul-drops.”
99. Why did the vampire go to art school? He wanted to learn how to “draw” blood.
100. What’s a vampire’s favorite exercise? Cardio-vascular workouts.

Related:

Vampire puns are a delightful way to add some humor and light-heartedness to the world of these dark and mysterious creatures.

Whether you’re “sinking your teeth” into fang-tastic wordplay or enjoying some “blood”-curdling laughs, these puns are sure to leave you howling with laughter.

So, the next time you find yourself in the company of vampires, remember to bring along some puns to keep the conversation lively.

After all, a good pun is like a vampire’s bite – it leaves you wanting more!